(For a brief blurb on “Ordinary People,” go to our BOOKS TO MOVIES section.)

No, they’re not extraordinary.  They may sense, or wonder, if they’re less than ordinary.  They could be more than ordinary.  Mother, father, and son (in no particular order in accordance to importance or vulnerability).

Their house, their home, is not what it used to be.

For over thirty-two years, Robert Redford has periodically directed eight pictures.  His heart is generally in the right place, and he has been able to pull off odd stories and immaculate pacing with films such as “Quiz Show” and … that’s about all of them (his films are on the sleepy side).

Now, “Ordinary People” came before Redford’s other directorial accomplishments (that is, maintaining a mainstream audience) and his eventual, inevitable switch to becoming the distinguished gentleman sometimes indecently proposing one million dollars to sleep with Demi Moore (as Diana Murphy).  ”Ordinary People” was, however, just two years after his opening of the Sundance Film Festival in 1978.  Redford – no longer “the Kid” (Sundance Kid).  Redford may or may not be helping out the little guy at the Sundance Film Festivals, depending on where your seats are, but there’s no denying “Ordinary People” was a good first choice.  (The film won the Oscar match for Director and Picture against “Raging Bull.”)

Our author of “Ordinary People,” Judith Guest, was born in 1936 right here in Detroit and graduated from the University of Michigan.  Reading what appears to be the remains of her blog at  http://www.judithguest.com, she’s had trouble getting her ideas, her finished projects, off the ground.  She did study psychology, is a family woman, and has been writing since she was ten. Qualified to inspire the 1980 Academy Award for Best Picture, wouldn’t you agree?

THE FAMILY (cast):  Donald Sutherland, Mary Tyler Moore, and a twenty-year-old Timothy Hutton.

Sutherland isn’t the white-haired, wise man he often portrays today.  In “Ordinary People,” he’s the lost, insecure parent.  A man brave enough to cry at the kitchen table.  A man not nominated by the Academy (nor has Sutherland ever been).  It’s hard to see yourself or your wife under a new, and possibly dimmer, light.  This doesn’t mean father Calvin is a dimwit.  He simply needs some time.

Moore began her career spunky, funny, and a fox.  Give her a frown, bitterness, and a warped sense of reality two decades later, and she’s a broken woman; no longer the Moore we knew.  (Nominated but no win.)  Again, people grow.  Sometimes apart.  Other times, they shrink.  This can give those close to them a reason to release or a crevice to snuggle in.

Hutton was new to the BIG screen and would later give solid performances in “Taps” (opposite Tom Cruise and Sean Penn), “The Falcon and the Snowman” (opposite only Sean Penn), and “Turk 182!” (no Tom Cruise or Sean Penn), and would quietly drift back to TV (“Leverage”).  (Won the Oscar for Best Actor) To be one, to depict one as real as Hutton has, is unforgettable.  A ticking-time-bomb teen is all the rage today.

While we’re on the topic of the Academy Awards, Jeff Kanew wasn’t nominated for editing. (A mistake.)  But at least Judd Hirsch (of the TV show “Taxi”) was nominated.  Editor Kanew should have at least had the opportunity to lose against “Raging Bull” (editing).

Back to that supporting role … Timothy Hutton should have been nominated for Best Actor and lost to Robert De Niro (“Raging Bull”) so Joe Pesci could have taken the statue (against Judd Hirsch).

The lessons, the hard work, the entrapment, the memories, the pain, the burying.  The suicidal attempts.  The loss of a loved one.  The broken home.  The ordinary lives of people.

Our author, Judith Guest, didn’t invent.  She invested.  These are fictional characters with very real problems.  The days, however, will go on; with or without you there.

The first thoughts Guest gives the father: “To have a reason to get up in the morning, it is necessary to possess a guiding principal.”

What I’ve taken from “Ordinary People” is that we need to listen, learn, and love.  Do this, and we’ll awaken to the next day more sensible than the last.

dan_jones1@aol.com

Part 1

Imagine you are a highly-paid editor for one of the most reputable magazines.  You love the hunt, the blood, the words, and manage to find time in your busy personal life to contribute a solid article each week.  At times, your state of mind has been diminished, leaving a void open to failure.  But you’ve persevered, and you’ve grown wise.  Beyond your state of mind, beneath your shoes, is the pavement.  You’ve hit it, sometimes face first.  No one can say you haven’t earned your scrapes.  Beneath your shoes is the state in which you live.  The state of Michigan.

This week, you’re going to expand the magazine.  You won’t refuse the unions wanting their money and security, nonprofit organizations chomping for a taste at “real” business, or the circus of individuals ready for the show. Because they will all arrive once you act on Michigan meddling.

The expansion is necessary.  You’d like to maintain your readers’ attention.  Stay out of local politics and the printing of “ultimate decisions” or flashy ideals, as you have.  Stay within the logistics, entertainment value, and respect of cinema.

Somehow, you have lost readers at the peak of this year’s topics.  This time, this spread, anything goes.

Planet Ant

Now, you make the calls to see who is interested in your endeavor.  The magazine is branching out.  (You’ve recently added a store … ad.)  The magazine is going to tell its readers, its Michigan-based fans, they have to stop pretending.  What are we going to do for the Michigan Movie Madmen?

The few close companies don’t seem to respond (to calls, emails, etc.).  The artists who you’ve known, who’ve expressed interest, are having trouble committing.  (They’re having trouble committing to your magazine’s subscription and purpose as well.)  The groups of talent, graduates, coffee shop supporters, and fresh digi-heads are waiting … on craigslist.

Meetings end, but an update should follow.  A CD or DVD should be cut.  An outdoor event (be it a theatrical play or concert) should develop.  Where are the hungry Detroiters?  (On craigslist?)

The Majestic

A rejection is a step toward acceptance.  In this world of saturated advertisements, you still need to advertise.  Possibly, someone to advertise for you.  But someone to believe in … an idea.  There are tickets to sell.  A performance to give.  An audience to entertain!

After your email blast, magazine subscriptions continue to drop (including an incomprehensible plunge in the approval rating of your previous human achievements).  And your ulcer rises to your chest.  That busy personal life or yours is affected.  That state of mind, that state of Michigan, isn’t going to give you anything.  You’re going to have to remember why you started this … magazine.

Part 2 (flashback)

The Abreact

I found myself being rejected by my homeland.

I found myself, last night, laughing at the Saturday Night Live spoof of Clint Eastwood’s commercial.  Super Bowl Sunday, I had found myself wondering what commercial I was missing, being in the kitchen, hearing Clint’s voice rasp about recovery and coping skills.  Now, after the SNL skit, I knew the commercial’s intent.

I found myself eating Paczki’s on Fat Tuesday and failing to remember Ash Wednesday.

Later, upon Wednesday, I would find myself being greeted by a school mom with a dirty (or is it cleansed?) forehead.  She had gotten her ashes from the church across from us.  I was reminded.

I found myself in an empty church.  (Not really.)

I found myself in a fairly-empty church and found it easy to pray.  I found myself asking if I was being called upon.

Because days earlier, when I had shook hands with Shadow Klan in the afternoon sun, I had wondered if he was my guardian angel.  Was he here to remind me of the fight for art?  The fight for self?  I had gotten rejected by Detroit (Michigan, to be exact).  Soon after, I was thanked and appreciated, as a human being, by the fast-talking, pavement-hitting poetic rapper.

I never found myself enjoying rap (ignoring a brief two-summer respect I felt for Eminem), but I’ve always found myself rooting for Shadow Klan.  For years, he’s been selling himself.  (In Shadow Klan’s earlier days, he sold rubber banded cassette tapes.)

Two years ago, soon after my purchase of the artistic rap CD, I found myself developing an opinion of Shadow Klan, which says something for his hard work.

And I found myself, I’ll admit, truly mulling over such a thing as an angel (Shadow Klan for now).

Just before my quick ash grab in church, I saw who I could be; and I found someone (me) wanting to help the artist.  Many groups have brought other groups together.  There may be nothing new to this epiphany.  But I did, however, find myself ready to fight.

I found myself today.  I will find you, the artist, all of you, and bring you out into the open … if you find that worthwhile.

Part 3

Encore Michigan

If it helps, imagine that highly-paid editor.  That magazine.  That spread.  But whether you are the editor or the supporters, respond.  Remind people you have a phone, a VOICE.  If someone, somewhere, is going to produce a variety show (say in Allen Park, MI), let’s make it unforgettable.

The state of mind: Now.  The state of place: Michigan.

NOTE: I recently reminded Mr. Forman that Hollywood was once Hollywoodland, nothing more than an area for a housing development.  Down river can, too, become the next “thing.”  He then reminded me that we should stick to a local circumference of advertisement … to start off.  Good tip.

To be involved in our ARTISTS PAGE, please contact me personally at dan_jones1@aol.com

NOTE:  After researching this category, as I always do before stating any carefully-examined list, I’ll admit I have my fair share of films/roles to see.  I’m sure, however, I’ve roped the bulk of them.

Characters.  Caricatures.  Method acting.  Improvisation.  Contemporary.  Satirical.  Play the part.  Be the role.

Frank Sinatra

It’s just a line.  It’s just memorization.  But some don’t want to memorize (Tracy Morgan).  Some don’t want to do more than a single take (Frank Sinatra).  Some are appreciative for the opportunity (Brad Pitt).  Some play themselves, and do it so well (Michael J. Fox).  Some don’t understand what they did right, like Shelley Duvall (“The Shining”).

One of the most flawless careers is that of John Cazale who only had five feature-film acting roles before he died at the young age of 43.  Francis Ford Coppola’s “The Godfather,” “The Godfather: Part II,” and “The Conversation.”  His last two films were “Dog Day Afternoon” and “The Deer Hunter.”

Peter O’Toole isn’t as slow moving as he appears in “Venus.”

And there are Bette Davis and Agnes Moorehead and many more who surpass many actors’ … abilities.

Napoleon Dynamite

Keep in mind, had Diane Keaton never made another film after “Annie Hall,” she’d have made the cut.  The same goes for roles like Jon Heder as “Napoleon Dynamite” or Steve Carell as “The 40 Year Old Virgin.”

Meryl Streep (my favorite actress of all time) didn’t make the list, and I’m still not sure why.

Slight nuances.  Or maybe the alterations of them.  Inflections.  How familiar are we with the real-life actor?  Have we seen them on Conan O’Brien?  On the big screen, they battle between the mind and mouth.  They make it real for us and obliterate the possibility of there being any script (which there is).

The Elephant Man

There are the underrated, the magnificent; and there is the technique.  But there are those who have one (maybe two) roles where they did everything right.  They may have lived the role.  They may have researched months before shooting began.  They may have been possessed by the real-life figures they played.  Every utterance, every gesture, we want to memorize and recite upon first viewing.  After, we know there is a new character on the rise.  They’ve created a monster (although John Hurt’s portrayal of “The Elephant Man” and Charles Laughton’s portrayal of Quasimodo in “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” is not on this list).

These are the best of the best …

(in alphabetical order)

Jessica Alba – “The Eye”

American Psycho

Christian Bale – “The Fighter” (“American Psycho”)

Eric Bana – “Chopper ”

Kathy Bates – “Misery”

Jeff Bridges – “The Big Lewboski”

Matthew Broderick – “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”

Richard Burton AND Elizabeth Taylor – “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”

Nicolas Cage – “Raising Arizona”

Jim Carrey – “Man on the Moon”

Lon Chaney Jr. – “Of Mice and Men” (1939)

Sacha Baron Cohen – “Borat” (“Bruno”)

Bette Davis – “What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?”

The King of Comedy

Robert De Niro – “Raging Bull” (“The King of Comedy,” “Cape Fear”)

Johnny Depp – “Ed Wood”

Leonardo DiCaprio – “Aviator” (“What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?”)

Tom Hanks – “Forrest Gump”

Dustin Hoffman – “Rain Man”

Judy Holliday – “Born Yesterday”

Anthony Hopkins – “Silence of the Lambs”

Heath Ledger – “The Dark Knight”

Daniel Day Lewis – “Gangs of New York”

Fredric March – “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” (1931)

Dudley Moore – “Arthur” (1981)

Jack Nicholson – “The Shining”

Carlito's Way

Sean Penn – “Carlito’s Way”

Anthony Perkins – “Psycho”

Joaquin Phoenix – “I’m Still Here”

Brad Pitt – “Twelve Monkeys”

Cliff Robertson – “Charly”

Gena Rowlands – “A Woman Under the Influence”

Maximilian Schell – “Judgement at Nuremburg”

Charlize Theron – “Monster”

Billy Bob Thornton – “Sling Blade”

Topol – “Fiddler on the Roof”

Jessica Alba? – APRIL FOOLS!

dan_jones1@aol.com

Voice Mail at 313-879-6379 for information

(For a brief blurb on “Hunger Games,” go to our BOOKS TO MOVIES section.)

One may read a book before the movie.  One may see a movie before reading the book.  First impressions only happen once, firstly.  There are no second chances.  No going back.  Unless, of course, you plan on going back to read the book (or give the movie a chance).

Chris Van Allsburg (“Jumanji” “The Polar Express”) was at first disappointed when he saw the film adaptations of his children’s books before he understood that his novels were not blueprints for someone else.  His story was now in the hands of a screenwriter, a director, and a studio that would expand the idea, according to their visions.

Blatant changes in a popular story, such as killing off key legendary villains in comic book movies (“Batman,” “Spider-Man”), can upset an audience.  Rearranging morals and foundations (see reworked versions of John Grisham’s “The Firm” and “Runaway Jury”) is also going out on a limb.

“Hunger Games” is no longer an intriguing, multimillion-copy-selling novel for young adults and regular adults but could be THE movie for that same audience.

And it is.

They made sure to stay true to the book, develop the characters (as much as they could with a novel written in first person and present tense) and keep it PG-13.  Is it “Gone with the Wind” or “The Godfather”?  No.  But the acting, directing, and special effects rise higher than Harry’s broom, and much higher than the TV-movie like production value of recent vampire escapades.

Satirical humor aimed at today’s American Talent Shows (which fight to the death at the expense of the so-called “talented”) may be lost with the giggling youngsters, but frighten those who have grown up with Big Brother, “Lord of the Flies,” or even “The Running Man.”  (Try not to smirk every time the game’s host Caesar, Stanley Tucci, twitches into an openmouthed smile.)

“Hunger Games” is what you thought the trailer for “Hanna” promised.  I’d rather not say what that entails.

Now, read the other two books of the trilogy before the films come out.  Or make sure to see all the movies before you begin reading the first novel.  Whichever.

DR. SEUSS BOOKS TO MOVIES …

If you like, and respect, Dr. Seuss, do NOT see the movie adaptations: “Cat in the Hat, ” “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” “Horton Hears a Who!,” or most recently “Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax.”  The “Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That” television show isn’t much better.

A woman walks in on a man, steaming, wrapped in a towel.  “Take your time,” she says.

In the following scene:  A man wraps his arm around a bumbling man who responds, “A short life … and a gay one.  That’s very true in my case.”

Next scene: The flirty hotel girl named Ms. Flaem (pronounced “phlegm”) turns her back on a man of interest.  The interested man presses his body against hers and says, “I don’t suppose you could, uh, take some dictation from me sometime.”

No, these aren’t pieces of dialogue from the new “21 Jump Street” comedy.  They’re spoken by Lionel Barrymore, John Barrymore, and the flirty girl is Joan Crawford from the 1932 classic “Grand Hotel.”  I’m watching it again.  And, again, I noticed our nation’s lingo and culture development.  Or, should I say, undevelop-ment?

I watched “The Other Guys” in spite of my best efforts not to.  (Does that make sense?)  Mark Wahlberg, playing it straight, is hilarious beside Will Ferrell (who I’m, yet again, mentioning with dissatisfaction).  “21 Jump Street” and “The Other Guys” are fairly similar.  Although, “The Other Guys” is barely amusing and everyone seems to think “21 Jump Street” is the most hilarious movie made in a long time (apart from the apparent hilariousness of “Bridesmaides” (2011), “The Hangover” (2009), or “Horrible Bosses” (2011)).

I don’t want to sound like Franny or Zooey from J.D. Salinger’s “Franny and Zooey” (which I’ve recently read again) or Stan of the “South Park” episode “You’re Getting Old” and depress anyone.  (I don’t even want to reference “South Park” again.)  I’m just, you know, telling you how I feel.  (Awww.)

I’ll remind you, once more, that I wish to laugh like the rest of you.  “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone say “Family Guy” doesn’t try hard enough.  I agree.  And that goes for the rest of you movie/TV people, too.  You just, you know, write words, and think, Hey, yeah, I’m funny, and, it’s basically pretty good stuff I’ve got goin’ on, right?

As for “21 Jump Street,” it isn’t extremely raunchy.  It does, unfortunately, fall victim to the lazy writing of today for about half the script (broken up throughout).  And many segments seem as if they weren’t made for the movie but for the trailer (or a short film).  (“Hot Rod” did this same thing.  I don’t care for Andy Samberg’s stuff either, if you were wondering.)

Most of the funny parts or scene/pacing transitions of “21 Jump Street” are in the trailer.  The drug-induced scenes are funny, but they could have been funnier.  (I don’t care for Rob Riggle or his movies either.  He plays the gym teacher, Mr. Walters, in “21 Jump Street.”)

I do think Channing Tatum is someone to keep an eye on (not like that).  Like Robert Downey Jr., he has the ability to make the best of a not-so-perfect script.  (See Tatum in flat, unrealistic “Dilemma” or Downey’s ability to real-up every over-the-top instant in “Due Date”).

Speaking of Channing Tatum – now, as well as in past articles – I rented “The Son of No One.”  Tatum and director Dito Montiel worked together before (“Fighting”).  I was going to rent it and tell you what I thought, but I didn’t feel like it.  (I probably won’t like it anyway.)

“The Son of No One” stars Ray Liotta, Katie Holmes, Juliette Binoche, and Al Pacino (even Tracy Morgan).  I was rather impressed … for about 9 minutes.  Not an awful movie, but there are very strange editorial and story-telling decisions.  I’d say they pulled off a conspiracy-type ending (no spoiler there).

I’ve gotten a bit personal in this review (I did?), but I’d say the best thing I’ve watched all week was the March 18^th Sunday premiere of “Frozen Planet” on the Science Channel.

Oh.  “Tower Heist” was better than I thought it’d be, but not very funny at all.

And if the laziness of this article stands out, think about that.  Should I try harder next time, or do it this way from now on and see if it broadens my audience?  Maybe if I were funnier.

If you didn’t notice my lack of effort, I’ll try harder to slack off in the future (when I feel like it).

P.S. Author Chuck Palahniuk (“Fight Club”) believes in the philosophy of author Ira Levin (“Rosemary’s Baby”) which avoids narcotization.  Palahniuk says, “When the problem looks too big, when we’re shown too much reality, we tend to shut down.  We become resigned. … We’re trapped.  This is narcotization.” – Stranger Than Fiction

This is what Ira Levin, Chuck Palahniuk, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Ray Bradbury do.  They pretend they’re writing about something else, but we walk away scared.  (David Fincher does this as well.)

So, in other words, I could have portrayed my thoughts better in this article.  Dontcha think?

(I hardly see the point of the frame rate below.  I give this article 2 1/2 frames.)

GRAND HOTEL

21 JUMP STREET

THE OTHER GUYS

BRIDESMAIDES

THE HANGOVER

HORRIBLE BOSSES

FRANNY AND ZOOEY

SOUTH PARK

FAMILY GUY

HOT ROD

DILEMMA

DUE DATE

THE SON OF NO ONE

FROZEN PLANET

TOWER HEIST

STRANGER THAN FICTION

dan_jones1@aol.com

We don’t know why we like watching her.  She does a shake-shake boogie to that song she likes, and we don’t want her to stop dancing.  She could play solitaire at that petite table, and we’d watch hand after hand.  We’re not sure if William Holden’s role as Paul Verrall (or Holden’s true personality) is likable, but we’re as interested in her as he is.

Judy Holliday

Judy Holliday is Emma “Billie” Dawn.  Billie isn’t graceful, but she has taste.   Billie will hesitate before she’s ordered to leave, because she’s above irrational behavior.  Billie isn’t stubborn.  Billie is waiting for someone to show her the fundamentals beyond personal pleasure.  And she knows, deep down, fulfilling personal pleasures is not one of the essential fundamentals of life.

Her man, Harry Brock (Broderick Crawford of “All the King’s Men”), is obnoxious.  But we’re drawn to this guy too and can understand why individuals stay beneath his fist (for instance his lawyer, played by Howard St. John, who’s drinking his pride away).  Harry is a gluttonous, ill-mannered man of power who threateningly claps you on the back when offering a drink.  Also, and more importantly, he’s a full grown baby.  He wants what he wants, and he gets loud when he doesn’t get it.

William Holden

Presently, Harry wants Paul of a Washington D.C. newspaper to “make a person over,” that is, Billie.  For two hundred bucks, or possibly undisclosed motives of his own, Paul takes the job.

People become lost in love, politics, education, money, goodness, badness.  The United States of America is run by the people.  It is never too late for sheltered, or uninformed, Americans to learn of their history.  It is never too late to overrule intolerable men like Harry Brock or change your company.  Message received.

The lack of warmth in the final scenes is possibly due to Holden’s role not being portrayed as a prince.  He’s educated, yet perhaps as greedy as Harry for wanting impressionable Billie all to himself.  Billie has to prove herself, find herself.  In reality, especially in 2012 (as opposed to 1950), Ms. Emma Dawn (“Billie”) would probably have needed six months to a year of alone time.  Then, she’d let her man of choice know if, and when, she’s interested.

Overall, the characters are believable and fascinating to study; and the American idea of pursuing happiness is beautifully balanced by original play write Garson Kanin (“Adam’s Rib”) and as relevant in today’s world as it was yesterday.

FRAME RATE

NOTE:  Judy Holliday had played the role on Broadway.  Practice makes perfect and, in Holliday’s case, led to an Academy Award.  (Mira Sorvino played a similar, low-grade, Miss-Piggy-voiced role in “Mighty Aphrodite” and also took home an Oscar.)

NOTE:  Director George Cukor had previously made females the center of attention in “The Women,” “The Philadelphia Story,” “Gaslight,” and would do it again following “Born Yesterday” with “A Star is Born,” “The Actress,” and “My Fair Lady.”

NOTE:  There is a 1993 version of “Born Yesterday” starring Melanie Griffith, John Goodman, and Don Johnson.  I have never seen it.

dan_jones1@aol.com

There are silent epic journey stories in the desert with gladiators and Christ and Moses and wars.

There was also “Alexander the Great” in 1956 where one can pay attention to nothing but Richard Burton’s blonde head.

We, however, are going to say the epic slave/gladiator trend began in 1959 with “Ben-Hur.”  There was another Ben Hur film (“Ben Hur: A Tale of the Christ”) prior to this, and Charlton Heston was freeing the slaves in “The Ten Commandments” three years before; but we all know “Spartacus” wouldn’t have been made in 1960 if it wasn’t for the success of Ben (Hur).  And although Moses was a warrior, he did not fight in a coliseum.

After “Ben-Hur” and “Spartacus,” there came “The 300 Spartans” in ’62, “Camelot” in ’67, “Caligula” in ’79, and 1981’s “Clash of the Titans” with claymation special effects.

It wasn’t until Mel Gibson surprised us all with “Braveheart” in 1995 that he could direct, and so well.  No one paid attention to his directorial debut with “The Man without a Face” in 1993, and too many would be watching “The Passion of the Christ” and his every move from 2004 to … now.

The past is the past, and “Braveheart” deserved the Best Director and Best Picture Oscars.

In 1999, “Gladiator” took its place.  It took a while, but after numerous viewings, the film is allowed to stand against the armored shoulders of its predecessors.  (Although, director Ridley Scott has not proven himself worthy of epic story telling with films “Kingdom of Heaven” or “Robin Hood.”)

In a couple years, “The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring” would change the game.  Corny music mimicking the unrealistic Spielberg-type emotions and scenes created in the ‘80s, elaborate computerized battle scenes, and a disrespected genre (fantasy) would get people gasping as they did back in 1977 when the first original “Star Wars” film was released.

One cannot deny the three “The Lord of the Rings” films are expensive, long, and popular.

But again, theaters quieted.  (“Troy” tried to wake us up, but nothing happened.  “Rome,” an HBO dramatic series, was abruptly cancelled after only two seasons.)  Special effects were taking over along with gory zombie and comic book movies.

So director Zack Snyder (“Dawn of the Dead” 2004) took one of the most famous and poetic of Frank Miller’s graphic novels “300” and made a cinematic rock epic.  Not as long or prestigious as “Ben-Hur,” but just as inspiring.

Now for the bad news.

“Avatar” came around and confused everyone.  When we were supposed to be getting back to the basics, back to history, back to the authentic thread-count of clothing (as with Peter Jackson’s “The Lord of the Rings”); James Cameron decided to be a director again and illuminated elaborate setups and crumbling rainforests.

This got in our way, didn’t it?  We shouldn’t bulldoze down the trees, but we may never be able to get back on a horse and charge.  What on God’s green planet was anyone fighting for in the studio that produced that film.  This is land is our land*, not Cameron’s, a computer’s, or giant smurfs’.

“Avatar” is the culprit behind “Clash of the Titans” (2010), “Immortals,” “Wrath of the Titans,” and “John Carter.”

Did I forget to mention my fear of “John Carter”?  Dear, I must have forgotten again.

Here’s what I’m saying: Get in the trenches.  Make a spear from the forest.  Have the villager get raped so we can avenge her purity.  Rise from nothing.  God save the King, people kill an emperor; but tell a story (especially if based on the works of Edgar Rice Burroughs as is “Carter”).  There’s no need to jump hundreds of feet into the air and land on a beast with large teeth if we’re only mildly amused afterwards.  (Director Andrew Stanton is a Pixar director as well as Brad Bird who had Tom Cruise souring around the air in “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol.”  I guess that’s what they like even if the actors are not drawn.)

I do not believe “The Eagle” (with Channing Tatum) or Oliver Stone’s “Alexander” are going to stay with us over the years.

An image that’s stayed with me for the past year?  A conscious man having melted gold poured over his skull.  The golden crown hardens before his dead head clinks against the ground.  This would be “Game of Thrones.”  Not my favorite show, but they care to tell a story as did author George R. R. Martin.  (“Game of Thrones” second season scheduled to premiere April Fool’s Day on HBO).

NOTE: Have heard television’s period piece dramatic series “Tudors,” “The Borgias,” and “Spartacus: Blood and Sand” have good storylines.  I am unfamiliar with any of them.

*THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND 

words and music by Woody Guthrie

Chorus:

This land is your land, this land is my land
From California, to the New York Island
From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters
This land was made for you and me

As I was walking a ribbon of highway
I saw above me an endless skyway
I saw below me a golden valley
This land was made for you and me

Chorus

I’ve roamed and rambled and I’ve followed my footsteps
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts
And all around me a voice was sounding
This land was made for you and me

Chorus

The sun comes shining as I was strolling
The wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling
The fog was lifting a voice come chanting
This land was made for you and me

Chorus

As I was walkin’  -  I saw a sign there
And that sign said – no tress passin’
But on the other side  …. it didn’t say nothin!
Now that side was made for you and me!

Chorus

In the squares of the city – In the shadow of the steeple
Near the relief office – I see my people
And some are grumblin’ and some are wonderin’
If this land’s still made for you and me.

Chorus (2x)

©1956 (renewed 1984), 1958 (renewed 1986) and 1970 TRO-Ludlow Music, Inc. (BMI)

Now, I’m sure you don’t confuse John T. Walsh with Craig T. Nelson (Walsh is the man with the darkening conscience of “A Few Good Men” / Nelson is the one with the lack of a conscience in “The Devil’s Advocate”).  But what about Mr. T?  Do you think he’s Mike Tyson?

Of course you don’t.

You may not confuse Andy Devine (“Stagecoach”) with Slim Pickens (“Blazing Saddles”), but have you ever confused Woody Allen with Woody Harrelson?  (Times have changed, and this could happen today.)

Thomas Haden Church’s career first took flight in the early 90′s as Lowell on the TV series “Wings,” which means he couldn’t have been a little boy who saw dead people (“The Sixth Sense”) or started an early acting career as Forrest Junior (“Forrest Gump”).  No, Haley Joel Osment was not on “Wings,” nor did he win an Academy Award for Best Actress in a Leading Role (that would be Halle Berry).

Am I exaggerating?  Of course.

But I’m sure many of your friends don’t know the difference between directors P.T. Anderson (“Punch-Drunk Love”) and Paul Thomas Anderson (“Boogie Nights”).  (There is none.  They are one and the same.)

Director Paul W.S. Anderson, however, is an entirely different person (who used to go by Paul Anderson, e.g., “Event Horizon”).

HINT:  P.T. Anderson is maturing (“There Will Be Blood”).  Paul W.S. Anderson is not (“Death Race”).

Paul ‘PT’ Anderson is an adult movie director.  And Wes Anderson is another stylish director who merely has the same last name (“Rushmore”).

Does your mother know the difference between Christian Bale and Christian Slater?  Or do they think he’s the same person and has also starred in “Star Wars” Episodes V and VI?  (Hayden Christensen?)

Tatum O’Neal won an Oscar for Best Actress in a Supporting Role when she was 10 (“Paper Moon”) and is NOT Channing Tatum (the new ladies man in “The Vow”).

Tilda Swinton and Téa Leoni sound like a new line of Nike sneakers.

Back to Mr. Anderson (that is, P.T.).  He enjoys working with others who are proud of their middle names (and initials), such as Philip Seymour Hoffman, Philip Baker Hall, John C. Reily, William H. Macy, and Daniel Day-Lewis.  Refrain from confusing these actors, for they look nothing alike.

Two of the finest actresses in years are Kate Winslet (with a K) and Cate Blanchett (with a C), and they’re both constantly praised for their work.

Who else.

Do you confuse John Hurt (“Alien”) with William Hurt (“Body Heat”)?  Or do you actually believe William Hurt is Jeff Bridges (especially when bearded and slurring)?

Most people confuse Jeff Bridges with Jeff Daniels.  Remember, Daniels only becomes loud if he’s in a comedy (“Dumb and Dumber”) or scared of spiders (“Arachnophobia”).  Jeff Bridges gargles with anger (“The Fisher King”).

Lloyd Bridges is Jeff’s dad, but don’t get him confused with Kirk Douglas (Michael’s dad).  (Lloyd’s the funny older man, and Kirk’s “Spartacus.”  And it’s KIRK, not Kurt.  And Tony Curtis, not Kurkis, costarred in “Spartacus.”  Do I really have to explain all of this?  You know who Martin Sheen is, right?)

My wife confuses Ian McKellen (Gandalf of “The Lord of the Rings”) with Michael Gambon (Dumbledore of “Harry Potter”), a character first played by Richard Harris (not Richard Burton).

There are more “Gladiator” connections with actors final roles, but I’m becoming exhausted.

The wife is also perplexed by the talent behind Mr. Spock of “Star Trek” – played by Leonard Nimoy.  This isn’t because of Nimoy’s brilliant portrayal of a fictional, future alien; but because she can’t differentiate between Nimoy or Adam West (“Batman” TV series) or Patrick Stewart (Professor Xavier of “X-Men”) or Ben Kingsley (“Gandhi”) or Ian McKellen.

At least Stewart and Kingsley have bald heads, but McKellen?  (Who, to make matters worse, plays opposite Stewart in “X-Men” as Magneto!)

Once, the wife actually made up a name in response to a movie trivia question – “Ian Gardner.”  (Who, to my knowledge, does not exist.)

I’m not helping, am I?

Neil Patrick Harris is in “How I Met Your Mother,” was once Doogie Howser, M.D., but never ‘Rusty’ of the National Lampoon’s “Vacation” films.  (You don’t mix any of these guys with Patrick Wilson, do you?)

Anthony Michael Hall was, in fact, ‘Rusty,’ but was not in “European Vacation.”  Michael C. Hall (“Dexter” TV series) just has a similar name.

So remember that Leslie Nielson is in the “Naked Gun” comedies and not an action star pushing 60 (Liam Neeson).

And as long as you’re not confusing Steven Soderbergh (“Out of Sight”) with Spielberg (“The Terminal”), you should be right with the world.

dan_jones1@aol.com

Bill Murray plays Bob – “multi-phobic personality characterized by acute separation anxiety and extreme need for family connections.”  This is the private diagnosis pompous Dr. Leo Marvin (Richard Dreyfuss) dictates followed by a reminder to charge $29.95 to his new patient (Bob) for the book he seemingly gave him (the book written by Dr. Marvin).

Don’t get the humor?  Maybe you won’t.

It’s about a crazy patient who makes the overly-sane psychiatrist nuts.  He won’t leave him alone.  They both need a vacation, but should not be “getting away” together.

Funnier than “Crazy People,” similar storyline of “Down and Out in Beverly Hills,” as ridiculous as “Money Pit,” and as well-made as “Groundhog Day.”

If either actor Murray or Dreyfuss normally annoy you with their antics, then you’ll most likely hate them in this film.

Writer and director of “8 Heads in a Duffel Bag” Tom Schulman wrote the script and bangs away with witty lines.  Much seems improvised but most likely isn’t, for no one breaks character.

Director Frank Oz makes you feel appropriately fozzie – I mean, fuzzy (Oz was the original voice of Muppet Fozzie Bear).

The story and setups are farfetched, but why shouldn’t they be?  We only need a sense of reality and believable characters before everyone gets carried away.  (As I said, if you don’t like the lead actors, you most likely have never thought them to be believable.)

Yes, Murray smirks and sings as usual, but he’s playing a big kid.  Dreyfuss shakes with frustration and violently giggles like always, but his character has worked hard and needs his rest.

You want to know more, here are some lines:

Dr. Marvin:  Bob, there’s an old saying — (laughs, leans on bust statue of self) — that the best psychiatrist in the world is the one right inside of you.

BOB:  (attentive, hopeful) Yeah.

DR. MARVIN: I can help you, yes.

(After receiving a late-night call  …)

DR. MARVIN: That patient, the one who called before.

WIFE/FAY MARVIN: Mm-hm.

DR. MARVIN:  He committed suicide.

WIFE/FAY MARVIN:  Oh, Leo.  How horrible.

(Brief reflection.)

DR. MARVIN:  Oh well, let’s not let it spoil our vacation.  (Claps off bedroom lights.)

(Bob, dropped from a bus, luckily finds Dr. Marvin who is running toward his car for cover.  Immediately upon seeing Dr. Marvin …)

BOB:  Dr. Marvin!  Oh!  (looking to the sky)  I really appreciate this!

(After Dr. Marvin explains his and Bob’s separate needs for vacations …)

BOB:  I knew coming up here was the right thing to do.

DR. MARVIN:  It feels right because you’re here.  And it feels right because you’re leaving.

(After a frustrating moment at dinner …)

DR. MARVIN:  And don’t call me Leo.

BOB:  But you said in your office that I could call you Leo.

DR. MARVIN:  That was in my office.  In my home, I’d like you to call me Dr. Marvin.

(Dr. Marvin’s fed up, so they’re going for a drive.)

BOB:  Where are we going?

DR. MARVIN:  Intensive psycho therapy. 

BOB:  Wha-who!  Okay, uh, some free associations from my infancy.  A beach ball … a dog … a frog … a log … a poodle … a noodle … a doodle.

My fellow filmmaker would tell you I have a personal connection to this movie and cannot give a proper rating.  No, I’m not a stuffed shirt, and I don’t carry a goldfish in a jar hanging from my neck; but the filmmaker says I look past the cheesy style of “What About Bob?”.

I simply think the movie has a big heart.  And the drier Bill Murray, the angrier Richard Dreyfuss, the more I laugh.

I wouldn’t think you’d expect more than this film has to offer; but if you do, remember it was directed by Yoda.  (Frank Oz’s other voice talents include Miss Piggy, Animal, Cookie Monster, Bert, Grover, and he directed “Little Shop of Horros” (1986) and “The Muppets Take Manhattan.”)

dan_jones1@aol.com